Humor : January 26, 2009

What’s in a name? Plenty. Take for example the fictional British spies James Bond and Harry Palmer. There’s a reason why everyone remembers James Bond and nobody has a clue who Harry Palmer is (I’m sure it doesn’t help that Harry Palmer sounds like someone addicted to self-pleasure).

Bad analogies and juvenile sex jokes aside, the same rule that applies to naming British super spies goes double for the automotive industry. If the name sucks, people probably won’t buy your car. Hence the fact that four out of five of the autos on this list are no longer manufactured.

5) Dodge Neon What the hell is a Neon? It’s defined as a chemically inert gaseous element occurring in small amounts in the earth’s atmosphere. Congratulations, Dodge. You named a car after a slow-moving, hard-to-find gas.

4) Ford Probe The last image I want in my head when buying a car is a flashback to my last physical exam… “Using the whole fist there, doc?” Tied with the Suzuki Intruder as the most likely vehicle to be sold at a sex shop.

3) Ford Fiesta When I think of a fiesta I conjure images of: tequila, beans, donkey shows, hangovers, and a PAINFUL trip to the bathroom. But maybe that’s just me…

2) Ford Escort Completing the Ford trifecta of bad naming, the Ford Escort was the transportation of choice for Hookers adult entertainers everywhere. Sales were huge in certain parts of Nevada, but your better off sticking with a Cadillac for your pimping needs.

1) Dodge Scamp Yes, I’d love to drive around in a car that if used as correctly as a verb would mean: “to perform hastily and carelessly.” Good job, Dodge.