9 out of 10 Women Hate the Environment

Editorial | Humor : August 26, 2008

A recent survey conducted by General Motors said that nine out of ten women would prefer to date a guy that drove the latest fuel-efficient car rather than a high performance sports car. Now I’m not sure where General Motors conducts their surveys, but it obviously isn’t Wilmington, North Carolina. It might not even be the same planet. And come to think of it, isn’t it funny that as soon as General Motors dips their toes into the hybrid market they release a survey stating chicks dig guys that drive fuel efficient cars? That’s like McDonald’s saying nine out of ten vegetarians would prefer to eat McDonald’s hamburgers than contract salmonella.


In the spirit of scientific experimentation, I decided to hit the street and survey the lovely ladies of Wilmington, NC. I presented them with the option of going out in a fuel efficient Ford Focus or a sporty BMW 135i. A whopping nine out of ten women stated they’d rather eat glass than date me, no matter what I drove, so I decided to conduct the remainder of the survey via email instead.

After randomly sampling women from all walks of life (that sounds a lot dirtier than it’s supposed to), I found that a resounding 15 out of 20 women would prefer to date a guy that drives a sports car. The remaining five said that they didn’t care one way or the other. In other words, not one woman wanted to date a guy that drove a fuel efficient car! That may sound like shenanigans, but I defy anyone that doesn’t believe me to try getting a date while driving a Ford Focus. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be trading in my 30 mpg station wagon for a Bugatti Veyron. Come get some, ladies.